“Who’s a good boy?”

“Who let me out?”

“What do bitches really want?”

(Winning caption: “When are you coming home?” – Steve Spetseris)

“Have you met my ex?”

“Skip to the end. I want to see how this turns out.”

(Winning caption: “I think the only thing you’re terrified of right now is commitment.” – Jason Tolbert)

(Second Place: “Oh great. What if it rains?” – Keith Huie, a fellow member of Beth’s Facebook group. Yea Keith!)

“I was too charming.”

“Sure it’s cheaper, but crowd-sorcery is a dark art.”

“Never dress for the job you want.”

(Winning caption: “I’m a victim of outsorcery.” – Gary Borislow)

“Dump him.”

“My white trash container is already full.”

“Are you sure you want to delete these items?”

(Winning caption: “I finally got him to put his trash in bags.” – Sam Skoronski)

(Third Place: “My divorce lawyer says I’ll probably get half.” – Richard G. Marcil – Yea Richard! – a fellow member of Beth’s Facebook group.)

“Duck! That’s my wife’s lawyer.”

(Winning caption: “Damn. They lawyered up.” – John Soby )

“I haven’t been sleeping well. The covers are too small.”

“The neighbors are beginning to suspect the real source of the novel virus.”

“Once upon a time I realized happily ever after is bullshit.”

(Winning caption: “This is the last time I self publish.” – Chuck A. Stetson)

“I had the burrito dream again.”

“Hey, where’s our picnic basket?”

“Yelp.”

(Winning caption: “We’re safe, he’s dying out there.” – Michael Holmes – Yea! Another win for Michael!)

“The foie gras is now ethically raised. Since the stay-at-home orders, we haven’t had to fatten their livers.”

“Today’s special is especially fresh, abducted just this morning.”

“In space no one can hear your entree scream.”

(Winning caption: “And the catch of the day is a guy named Fred.” – Joe Ayella)

(Runner Up: “Would you like to see our children’s menu? They’re free range.” – Michael Holmes – Another score for Micheal!)

“What’s the second-best medicine?”

“Funny how?”

“I landed the campaign account. My job is to make the candidate look presidential by comparison.”

(Winning caption: “Human Resources says I have to stop pulling things out of my pants.” – Tom Bryant)

(Runner-Up: “You can’t be serous.” – Van Alyn Thaxton (Yea Van! – another win for Beth’s group)

“Vito the gluer is no longer with us. He got sticky fingers.”

(Winning caption: “You’re watching history in the making.” – Jason Tolbert)

(Runner-up: “We must forge on without him.” – Ryan Burns, a member of Beth’s Facebook group. Yay Ryan!)

“I just ran over from the airport, and boy are my legs tired.”

“Sorry I’m late. I hit every traffic light on the way here.”

“Wanna join the meter high club?”

(Winning caption: “I have bad knees.” – Kathy Wrobel-Cornell)

(2nd Place: “Sorry, I sweat a lot.” – Carol Lasky – a member of Beth’s Facebook Group. Yea Carol!)

 

“I certainly hope that’s a biodegradable body bag.”

“The chute is just for people who still live in the building.”

“The wood chipper’s out back”

(Winning caption: “Hey, dump that in the East River where it belongs.” – Ben Schwartz)

(2nd Place: “I thought you loved that rug.” – Laila Valencia – a member of Beth’s Facebook Group. Yea Laila!)

“Don’t sit in the front row, you’ll get roasted.”

(Winning caption: “Yeah, what is the deal with prison food?” – Sam Skoronski)

“Can’t we all just get a pizza?”

“To Rocky, who you just couldn’t resist chasing into traffic on the way here.”

“Would meatloaf clash with pizza?”

(Winning caption: “I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.” – Teresa Burns Parkhurst)

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“Another critic to see you, sir.”

(Winning caption: “Easy on the Sharps.” – Tom Chitty)

“We’re better than you.”

“Premium sports channels are useless right now but I’m locked into a two-year contract.”

“Monotheist?”

(Winning caption: “15%? We all tipped 20%.” – Dan Zimmerman)

(Runner up: “Careful, three strikes and you’re out.” – Beth Lawler – Yea! Another score for Beth!)

“Four out of five ornithologists surveyed recommend apples over windows.”

(Winning caption: Invasive Species – Carol Lasky. *** Yea Carol! ***)

“Sorry kid, all I got for ya is extra parts.”

“The doc was your Dad. What other name would you use?”

(Winning caption: “There just aren’t any good parts.” – Edo Steinberg)

My Runner-Up Entry: “”You’ll never know if you’re a flying squirrel until you try.”

My loser entry: “The perfect children’s book cover was the hard part, now we just have to learn to write.”

(Winning caption: “I don’t rent to hoarders.” – Kathy Wrobel-Cornell)

“Effectiveness and safety are important, but a catchy jingle is the key.”

“Yes, ‘heavy’ machinery is relative, and four hours is more of a guideline than a rule, just please be careful.”

(Winning caption: “Damn right I’m bitter.” – Clarence Krause)