“Does this look infected to you?”

“There’s not much I can say besides oops there goes another rubber tree plant.”

“He can have visitors but he’s a little delirious. He keeps requesting that someone round up your side of the family.”

(Winning caption: “Good news – he’s in a vegetative state.” – Colin Mills)

“We believe in you.”
“We weren’t extinct, just quarantined.”
“Don’t be afraid to toot your own – oh, sorry.”

(Winning caption: “These projections don’t make sparkles shoot out of my ass.” – Jim George)

“I’ll send a car for the maid.”

“I know what you wrote in your manifesto about my glazed raccoon with poke salat.”

(Winning caption: “You didn’t have to take all the furniture.” – Misa Levey)

“The Mustang ride is bucking awesome!”

“The fad peaked a few months later with the running-with-scissors ride.”

(Winning caption: “Just signal like this when you’re about to throw up.” – Dean Moore)

“We have our ups and downs.”

“You have to admit this is some mighty fine wine.”

“Mama toad me there’d be days like this.”

(Winning caption: “You might want to get that fly off your face.” – Gary Sills)

“Top 10 causes of shipwreck: #4 will shiver ye timbers.”

“Yoo hoo fellas, come play Doom with us.”

“We’re locked down, but available to lure you to your death online.”

(Winning caption: “We can be yours, but you must agree to our terms and conditions.” – Beth Lawler wins again! Yay Beth!)

“Hold on, that might be my lunch.”

“Holy smoke.”

“Ye shall smite all who order caramelized locally grown pear with organic goat cheese.”

(Winning caption: “One Supreme.” – Stephen Jordheim)

“I’ll buy organic next time.”
“You’re going hazmat, not knife-proof?”
“Sorry I sneezed earlier.”
“Working from home today?”

(Winning caption: “I hope you don’t mind, but I used your toothbrush.” – Dave Matta)

“I love a John with a view.”

“I used to be all the scenery you needed.”

(Winning caption: “You know, it feels just as stupid as it looks in the commercial.” – Larry Kurtz)

“I see you’ve been busy.”

“Working from home today?”

“We’re civilized now so watch your language. It’s a dang.”

(Winning caption: “That’s your solution for everything.” – Nick Gaudio)

“If that bitch Kate calls tell her you haven’t seen me or her crown.”

“… then I said “Look, the last thing I need is another prince in my life, but a talking frog – that’s really cool.””

“I drink to forget that I never became a Disney princess, just a real one.”

(Winning caption: “My life’s a goddamn fairy tale.” – Paul Nesja – Holy Twofer! Yea Paul!)

“You overshot Mars by quite a bit.”

“How do I know this isn’t a hoax?”

“You can finally stop worrying and join us. America is great again.”

(Winning caption: “Okay sure, you just discovered us and your capsule didn’t explode.” – Brian Enright)

“You have carpaccio disorder. It’s very rare.”

“We prefer to call it a copay, not tipping.”

“The burns have finally healed. Please be more careful on re-entry next time.”

(Winning caption: “I’m afraid someone drank your sample.” – Andrew Wellhouse)

“A paddle might have been a better idea.”

“Kind of ironic his last words were “Oh, the shark has pretty teeth dear.””

“So unfair – woodwinds and children first.”

(Winning caption: “It seemed important at the time.” – Keith Huie)

“To new endings.”

I wish I had thought of: “I can’t see you anymore.” – Beth Lawler

(Winning caption: “How, exactly, do we get back to your place?” – Cannon Alsobrook)

“Watch what you say – he repeats stuff. “

Oh dear, I wish you hadn’t said “pineapple”.

“Pauli insisted on the pirate ship painting.”

(Winning caption: “I lined it with our prenup.” – Steve Everhart

“Was that the bell?”

“Sorry, you can’t join us. This is cloud nein.”

“I’m bored. Let’s go look through people’s data.”

(Winning caption: “He can’t see us from there, can he?” – David Clark)

“Me too.”

“Too bee or not too bee?”

“I’ve done a lot since you’ve been gone.”

(Winning caption: “Yeah, well you’re not wearing any pants either.” – Alfred Spielmann)

“The first rule of sex addiction group therapy is to stay on your own couch.”

(Winning caption: Mine!)