“Show me first your penny.”

(Winning caption: “Ideally, you want the dough to rise to about thirty-five thousand feet.”)

“Of course I’m sure. Climate change is a myth. Also sky squiggles. Sky squiggles don’t exist.”

(Winning caption: “Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats.”)

“You’re making good time but I’m still a head.”

(Winning caption: “I wouldn’t. It’s a toupee.”)

“No, I don’t want water. Why does everyone ask that?”

(Winning caption: “Yeah? Well, I’m also a fish out of Scotch.”)

“My brother, I see you have grown rich and handsome and you live on the edge.
But I can wiggle my left ear.”

(Winning caption: “Ignore the screams, sir. I’ll get you a new fork.”)

“I just test drove the new mustang. It’s bucking awesome.”

(Winning caption: “I’m in the air right now—let me call you back after I land.”)

“It’ll be a slider, low and outside. Just remember you have to take my turn at saber-tooth watch tonight.”

(Winning caption: “A lot has happened since your last at-bat.”)

“I get it, Mom. I haven’t visited in a while.”

(Winning caption: “Please, I need time to decompose myself.”)