“We’re better than you.”

“Premium sports channels are useless right now but I’m locked into a two-year contract.”

“Monotheist?”

(Winning caption: “15%? We all tipped 20%.” – Dan Zimmerman)

(Runner up: “Careful, three strikes and you’re out.” – Beth Lawler – Yea! Another score for Beth!)

“Four out of five ornithologists surveyed recommend apples over windows.”

(Winning caption: Invasive Species – Carol Lasky. *** Yea Carol! ***)

“Sorry kid, all I got for ya is extra parts.”

“The doc was your Dad. What other name would you use?”

(Winning caption: “There just aren’t any good parts.” – Edo Steinberg)

My Runner-Up Entry: “”You’ll never know if you’re a flying squirrel until you try.”

My loser entry: “The perfect children’s book cover was the hard part, now we just have to learn to write.”

(Winning caption: “I don’t rent to hoarders.” – Kathy Wrobel-Cornell)

“Effectiveness and safety are important, but a catchy jingle is the key.”

“Yes, ‘heavy’ machinery is relative, and four hours is more of a guideline than a rule, just please be careful.”

(Winning caption: “Damn right I’m bitter.” – Clarence Krause)

“Does this look infected to you?”

“There’s not much I can say besides oops there goes another rubber tree plant.”

“He can have visitors but he’s a little delirious. He keeps requesting that someone round up your side of the family.”

(Winning caption: “Good news – he’s in a vegetative state.” – Colin Mills)

“We believe in you.”
“We weren’t extinct, just quarantined.”
“Don’t be afraid to toot your own – oh, sorry.”

(Winning caption: “These projections don’t make sparkles shoot out of my ass.” – Jim George)