“If you succeed, your next challenge will be pulling the cell phone from the intern’s hand.”

(Winning caption: “At least you didn’t get the ax.”)

“It’s extinct now. It was called an analog clock. Not sure what that is above it.”

(Winning caption: “Well, of course they don’t exist. Now.”)

“Ironically, I’m here for watching videos of naked people.”

(Winning caption: “He makes us watch this fire-safety video once a year.”)

“Add a hyphen to ‘micromanage’.”

(Winning caption: “His words, not mine.”)

“Yes, the lighting brings out your eyes. Now stop fishing for compliments.”

(Winning caption: “First, I set the mood.”)

“I don’t know the way down but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.”

(Winning caption: “This time I’m going to teach you how to tune it yourself.”)

“The sketch artist has the day off. Work with me here.”

(Winning caption: “If you want to see a giraffe, we’re going to need a lot more information.”)

“Clearly an act of God.”

(Winning caption: “It’s a textbook case—depending on which state your textbooks are from.”)

“Try to look more like a robin.”

(Winning caption: “I told your parents I would convert.”)

“The butcher is standing strong but the candlestick maker is turning state witness.”

(Winning caption: “Bad news. They found proof in the pudding.”)

“Dibs on the window meat.”

(Winning caption: “We can take this and transfer to the B.L.T. at Forty-second.”)

“The organ transplant didn’t turn out as I expected.”

(Winning caption: “I see the radiator’s Baroque again.”)

“All these years he was wearing high heels and a negligee under the robe.”

(Winning caption: “I was hoping taxes would go first.”)

“Don’t stop. We have no idea where that thumb has been.”

(Winning caption: “O.K., but he is going to have to check that bag.”)

“That must be Butch Cassidy.”

(Winning caption: “Well, you’re no masterpiece yourself.”)

“Try to look woolier.”

(Winning caption: “Primitive? Compared to what?”)

“One extra hot grande enlightenment to go, please.”

(Winning caption: “I can’t seat you until you are fully present.”)

“We recommend icing.”

(Winning caption: “Have you tried icing it?”)

“Did I leave the vibrator running?”

(Winning caption: “I thought you said it wouldn’t need much attention.”)

“Xzrrth fell down a well?”

(Winning caption: “Results are still preliminary,
but all indications suggest that he is a good boy.”)